The Marauders Guide to Love, Life, and Lily Evans
by Secret Lii
Summary: Do you think the Maurauders are awesome? starightfoward talk, from the fabulous 4! excerptHow to snag a hot girl like Lily Evans while maintaining all self dignity [okay, maybe not all, but...] Peter is witty?
1. Maurauders Guide

**The Maurauders Guide to Love, Life, Lily Evans, and Everything In between.**

**Introduction**- Welcome to The Maurauders Guide to Love, Life, Lily Evans, and Everything In between. Read on, and you will be guided through an assortment of little tidbits and tips for life love, and Lily Evans. Trust us, Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail, that is. We know. We've been through it all.

We'll give you clips and tips to being the best of the best. Which is us, Naturally:

_Prongs (James- I rock)- How to snag a hot girl like Lily Evans while maintaining all self dignity (okay, maybe not all, but...)_

**__**

**_Padfoot (Sirius- I rock more)- How to stay cool with a super-star quiditch player for a best friend._**

Monny Remus- (Stop fighting guys, people are reading this)- How to stay a good boy and become prefect while maintaining a bad-boy rep...plus tips on staying a were-wolf without losing your marbles.

**and Wormtail Peter- (Moony has a point there. What are you guys talking about, anyways?)- how to work for the Dark Lord, while having awesome friends, and keeping out of shape!**

* * *

A/N- **CLIP!** means a (probably embarassing) flashback! So read them! 


	2. Maurauders Code of Honor

The Maurauder's Code of Honor:

Our 10 Commandments

1) All for one, and one for all. If one goes to detention, we all go.(that is of course, assuming it's not Filch's detention. Those are just nasty!)

2) Thou art shall not leave a friend in danger. You shall give up your life for his sake.

3) Thou art doth not forget thy name. Always remember who you are: a Maurauder. That means no tea-parties, please!

4) On a more serious note, never desire the woman of thy friend. In English- no girlfriend stealing!

5) Never long what a fellow Maurauder posseses. Meaning, if James ends up quiddich Captain, along with e/t else he already is, be happy for him! I'm sure you already are.

6) Thou art shall love another brother. No fighting, boys, only love.

7) Thou shalt defend a fellow Maurauder in need. C'mon guys, convince Lily that James isn't an arrogant prick! And go help Peter with that bully over there, while you're at it.

8) Thou must remember each fellow Maurauders' birthdays! And Fvorite presents! And I don't want another acid pop, Sirius, that wasn't funny!

9) Thou shalt not go on doth pranks with out thy art fellow Maurauders. Don't leave Peter out again!

10) Always remember. Rules are there for a reason! To be Broken. Follow this code, and you're a Maurauder to be. Thank you.


	3. Prongs

_Prongs James- I rock_

_Okay a little about me-_

_I'm hott_

_Not conceited_

_Athletic_

_Smart_

_Prankster_

_Funny_

_Brave_

_and Lily Evans is my girlfriend. Well not quite but...I will get her. And here's how!_

_How to snag a hot girl like Lily Evans while maintaining all self dignity okay, maybe not all, but..._

_1) Mess up hair. Girls love the windblown do'. Well, Lily might scoff at it, but not for long!_

_2)Play quiddich! Girls love athletes! _

**CLIP!**

**("Shut up about your stupid quiddich, James! I don't care if you play in the world cup, you're still a big-headed brag! said Lily.)**

_Okaaayy, not all girls..._

_3) Let her know who's boss. Stay in control. _

**CLIP!**

**(So Lily, about our date this Saturday-" **

**"What? we don't have a date! Any day!" **

**"Yeah Well, I was thinking we could-" **

**"No we can't!")**

_Well, so much for that..._

_(Grrrr! Pay no attention to these annoying clips! They're pop-ups, okay? They don't mean anything.)_

_4) Stay cool, don't be too intense. Let her know that you like her, but don't drool over her all day!_

**CLIP!**

**James- Heyy Lilykins!**

**Lily- Go away, you arrogant prick!**

**James- What? What did I say?**

**Lily- Just leave me alone James, go mess up your hair or something!**

**James- Fine, I will. (Starts ruffling his hair, making it look extremely hot.)**

**Lily- Grrr! Bother someone else, will you!**

**James- You're so cute when you're angry, Evans!**

**Lily- (Marches away, leaving James staring after her)**

_Well, it wasn't the height of cool, but it will do.

* * *

_

P.S.- I HATE CLIPS!


	4. Padfoot

**_Padfoot Sirius- I rock more_**

_**Okay. Here's the deal. I'm handsome, hot, popular, funny, gorgeous, loved by girls all over, and hot. But how do I stay on top with a super-star quiditch player for a best friend (who also happens to be a tad good looking, funny, and smart)? **_

**_Tips on How to stay cool with super-star quiditch player for a best friend_**

_**- out-cool him! Do something he can't do. For example, James may be popular, but he isn't exactly the king of maturity. Look suave and debonair, while James looks like a little kid playing with a broom! Sorry James...**_

_**- Leave the hair, long and down. Girls like that better the messy and short. Or they should. It's hotter.**_

_**-...Oh, I don't know, I don't have time for all you, I have better things to do...like fix my hair, or play a prank on James or something...Hey James! Drink this! (slips unlucky-potion into James' pumpkin juice) It'll make you feel out and about! (Or, lousy and drowsy!) **_

_**-LOOK BORED!**_

_**CLIP! **_

_**of Sirius' doodles in class..."the ocean"**_

****

----------------------------------------------------------------------- (monster wave!)

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_**Sirius- "Aww, c'mon, I've made better ones! You're just trying to make me look conceited!**_

_**Me- Why don't I show em the one you made of James?"**_

_**Sirius- "No, please don't I'll show it to the public when I'm ready!"**_

**_Me- "_Sirius_, Why are you so insecure?"_**

_**Sirius- "Well...I've kind of always been an aspiring artist...I'm really soulful inside...but don't you dare tell anyone that, especially not James, or I'll never hear the end of it, and I'll be forced to hex you!...plus, mum's not really so supportive of my career. She wanted me to be a lawyer."**_

_**Me- "Awww how sweet! But don't worry, I won't tell!"**_

_**Sirius- "Goody."**_


	5. Moony

Monny Remus- Stop fighting guys, people are reading this-

Hello, fellow readers, and Maurauder fans. Here's me. I'm a Maurauder and my best friends are Sirius Black and James Potter (and of course Peter, who is more or less, a tag-along). I'm really a good boy, with a bad boy rep, and sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to keep my friends out of trouble because of it. Of course, I do love a good prank or adventure, sometimes all I need is to kick back and have some fun. I'm a werewolf you see, once a month, I turn into a hideous monster, and I can't be with my friends. At least that's how it used to be. Until all my friends to turn animagi! I used to be afraid to tell them and here's what I did-

Tips on staying a were-wolf without losing your marbles

Tips for doing the wrong thing-

-Cover up your absences once a month by saying your mother is sick...about a few consecutive days each month!

- You're not weary or sick, you're just tired! Up late last night reading!- yeah right.

Tips for doing the right thing-

- If you've got great friends, TELL THEM RIGHT AWAY! believe me, if they're anything like my friends, they'll find out soon enough. If they're as loyal as mine are, your

friends will do anything possible in their power for you. Including turning animagi.

Alright, alright, I have great friends and all. But the only problem is that, come 5th year, I really want to be prefect! But how can I? I'm a Maurauder! In case you ever fall into a situation like mine, here're a few tips-

How to stay a good boy and become prefect while maintaining a bad-boy rep...

-try to control your friends! especially when in the presence of teachers. Make yourself look friendly, and at the same time, determined. It's the best look for prefect-wannabes.

-maintaining a bad-boy rep? Easy...hang with James and Sirius. They'll take you into their world of mischief, adventure, and detention. fun, fun, fun.

- be yourself! That is, unless your James or Sirius, of course.

- remember, have some fun on mischievious adventures, but do be careful not to be caught after hours...or out of bounds. REMEMBER!-

"When in doubt, check the Map. The Maurauder's Map, that is."


	6. Wormtail

**Wormtail Peter- Moony has a point there. What are you guys talking about, anyways?- **

**Me- hansome, brave, witty, brilliant, and brave. No Sirius, I'm not clueless. I'm smart. and brave. Well, sometimes, I can be a bit of a scaredy cat (mouse, tee hee, I made that pun up my self! no help from James), but it's very rarely! But when am, I can always rely on my terrific friends with perfect timing, that for sure to come and save me. Of course I'd do the same for them. It's just that, well...they don't really need me, much.**

**CLIP! **

**Peter- help, help the spider pointing to a tiny black spider on a window ledge It's going to eat me!**

**Sirius- Bursts into the room at that exact moment...how coincidental! Don't worry Peter! I'll seve you! crushes spider**

**Peter- Oh Sirius, however can I repay you?**

**Sirius- Well, I guess you could do my math h.w...though, I wasn't really planning on failing the subject...**

**Peter- Hardy har.**

**how to work for the Dark Lord, while having awesome friends, and keeping out of shape!**

**tip # 1- never skimp on the cupcakes!**

**tip # 2- keep a low profile while carrying out dark missions. No one would suspect old fat Petey!**

**tip # 3- Friends are good. They protect you. Keep it that way. If you're really defenseless- which I'm not...not really- they'll feel sorry for you, and take you under their wing. Or invisibility cloak. Tee hee.**

**tip # 4- did I mention I like cupcakes?**

**tip # 5- Stick up for your friends. I figured out, after numerous occasions, that they like it better that way.**

**tip # 6- Don't mess up Dark Lord's plans. Although he's just starting out, he plans to get bigger, and bigger, and bigger...**

**tip # 6- with icing, and sprinkles, and...**

**That's all for now folks! Ol' Petey's getting a little bit drowsy. Weird, ain't it? it's still light out! I just hope it's not like last time, where Padfoot and Prongs slipped that Sleeping potion into my pumpkin juice. I think Moony told them off for tha...tha...th...chhhhhh...zzzzzzz...shhhhhh...chhhhhhh...zzzz...shhhhh...**

**Good Night Peter.**

**zzzzzzzz **

**/-----/--0 **

**-----------------------------**


	7. Top 10 by Lily and James

**TOP TEN WAYS TO TORTURE AND TORMENT SEVERUS SNIVELI SNAPE!**

(The revised version)

1) Remind him that he'll never get to date Lily Evans if he doesn't take showers.

A) because we find it hilarious that his reaction is turning beet red and swearing.

and B) because we love James' reaction as well( immediately hexing Snape into a water beetle or some other form of insect)

2) Call him _Snivellus_, our special name for him, especially in front of his friends **_(The greasy git's got friends? -Padfoot)_**

3) Knock him out with a sleeping potion, and then, give him a makeover, and _then_, dress him in a nightgown, **but wait,** and**_ then_** you stuff cupcake in his mouth, and tie him to a toilet in the girls bathroom! Brilliant!

_**(Good one, Wormtail. Padfoot and Prongs)**_

4) "_You guys are really immatur–_" **_"Stop it Lily! We're having fun!"_**

5) Tell him that greasy noses went out of style around the same time that greasy hair did.

6) The git's so obssessed with Slytherin and purebloods, that he needs reminding once in a while of the half blood he is. Do exactly that.

7) "Snape's got a girlfriend, Snape's got a girlfriend!"

"What? I do not, you filthy...you filthy... you filthy people!

"Only joking, Sniv. We know you'd never become semi- presentable without telling us!"

8) Have some holiday spirit, and dress up and Snape for Halloween! Yes, limp black wigs, greasy faces, no friends in sight (except for gits), the works! He loves that sort of fun.

9) AVADA KEDAVRA! (...yeah, we wish...)

10) Hang im' upside down from the Quidditch goal posts.( Levicorpus, anyone?)

* * *

"James!" Lily groaned disdainfully. "Why do you waste your time writing up nasty things like this?" 

"A waste? Don't you worry, Lilykins, this will definitly not be put to waste!" said James with a mischievous gleam in his eye.

* * *

Next week... 

"How the bloody hell did I get here!" yelled Sniv- I mean Severus Snape from a-toilet seat (!#?) in front of a crowd of laughing girls.

Except it sounded more like "Ho da body hew duh uh guh huh!" due to the fact that there was a...rainbow sprinkled cupcake in his mouth? (Wormtail, you're so creative.)

* * *

Next week... 

**TOP TEN WAYS TO TORTURE AND TORMENT JAMES ARROGANT POTTER**

(The Permanent version)

1) "I will not go out with you."

2) My new boyfriend.

3) James, I just don't like the windblown look.

4) Go out with any boy who's a member of a Quidditch team other than Gryffindor's.

5)Go out with any boy, other than him, at all!

6)"Did I mention he's the new Slytherin seeker?" James turns beet red, steam comes out of his ears "No, apparently I haven't."

7)Go out with Sirius Black! (And he's not bad looking, you know, once you can get past his enormous ego.)

8) Or on a lower level, go out with Peter (Ew! Not in a million bazillion years, ever!)

9) "What part of 'NO! NEVER! NOT IN A MILLION LIGHTYEARS!' don't you get?"

10) Kill myself (Quite gruesome, but sadly enough, I think James would be more upset than me or anyone else, if I were ever gone.)

* * *

"Oh very good Lilykins. An absolute riot. A writer in the making, now, are you?" said James sarcastically. 

"I knew you'd like it." Lily grinned.

* * *

Next week... 

"James, meet Johnny!"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

* * *

Dear Diary, 

as I read Lily's list, I realized something. I really would miss her the most if she ever died.

-James

* * *

Please Review, good or bad. Hope you loved it. 


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